As the eldest of four brothers, a still-haunting refrain was pounded into my head by my parents throughout my childhood: “Be a good example.”

I hated this phrase. It was an unassailable call to greatness. A shame-inducing critique of whatever inappropriate behavior I was currently engaged in. An easy alibi for my younger brothers. And, most infuriatingly, pretty decent life advice.

Since my youngest brother is 14 years my junior, this wretched phrase persisted in my parents’ lexicon well into my adolescence. The mistakes I made that prompted this utterance evolved from unruly childlike behavior to legitimately poor life decisions, but the sentiment remained the same: Your actions matter for yourself and for those around you. People are looking up to you. Be the best person you can be.

Like most eldest children, I look back at the standard to which I was held and the trail I was forced to blaze with awe that I actually made it through and smugness toward my younger siblings over the much clearer path that awaited them thanks to my blunders. Eldest children are the crash test dummies of their families, doing their best to safely navigate their cars on the road of life but instead gaining an encyclopedic knowledge of brick walls in the process.

These harsh life experiences make us more insecure but also inexplicably more resilient. We pride ourselves on being underappreciated by both our overbearing parents and our clueless siblings. After all, if we hadn’t crashed, the younger kids might not have known that a brick wall was there. You’re all welcome!