My ministry focuses on speaking and writing about race and sexuality. Lately, in discussions after online lectures or webinars, I hear the following questions and comments with increasing frequency: “How can I remain a member of the church?” “I don’t know how long I can stay.” “Why should I stay in the church?” “My kids/friends/relatives have left, and I don’t know what to tell them.” “Why would a gay or lesbian person stay Catholic?” “If the church doesn’t value or care about Black Catholics, why stay?”

Before going further, I know that a column like this will generate responses from Catholic apologists along the lines of: “You stay because we’re the one true church.” “Because we have Jesus and the sacraments.” “We have the Truth.” “If people can’t accept the truth of the church’s teaching, then they’re better off elsewhere.” So, let me say that what follows is not for such folks. I only ask them to consider if such attitudes might contribute to why many are leaving, and seriously consider leaving, Catholicism.

Such questions are not new. I addressed them in the early 2000s after the tragic revelations of clergy sexual abuse of minors. I wrote a column for my hometown newspaper titled “Deep Disappointment Reveals Deep Love.” I reflected on Martin Luther King Jr.’s profound disillusionment with Christian churches and their silent, even vocal, complicity in racial injustice. In his now classic “Letter from a Birmingham Jail,” King wrote, “There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love.” He offered a severe critique of the church. Yet he noted that his strong feelings could only come from one who deeply cared for and about the church.