“Mommy, why aren’t you happy just the way God made you?!” When my 8-year-old daughter posed this query with tears streaming down her face, it was a punch to the gut. I had just walked through the door after coloring my hair for the first time ever—a stress response to a family crisis that was unfolding at the time. My hair was bouncy and shiny, so my heart felt a little lighter too. But when I saw the betrayal clouding my daughter’s eyes, my newfound lightness deflated.

As anyone who has interacted with children can confirm, kids have a direct and insightful way of calling attention to our failures that is both beautiful and heartbreaking. Instantly, I realized that, in my need to alleviate some traumatic pressure, I had forgotten to consider the impact my actions would have on the little ones who look up to me. I had let my kids down, becoming less worthy of emulation in their eyes. That was a hard blow to my ego.

You may be wondering why something as benign as hair dye caused such a strong reaction, so I should emphasize that I am not suggesting that coloring one’s hair is sinful. There are certainly myriad worse actions I could have undertaken as emotional salve. However, keeping my hair natural is one way I choose to be countercultural—to model for my kids that beauty is not about the application of external products, to help them see that they are beautiful just the way they are, and to teach them to avoid participation in what Pope Francis has dubbed the “throwaway culture.”

Ironically, the waste generated by the so-called “beauty” industry contributes to the deterioration of our planet: The beauty industry is responsible for billions of units of single-use plastics and tons of carbon emissions annually, and it is a primary driver of child labor. Because of the overwhelming production of materials that are discarded when we finish with them, “the earth, our home,” Pope Francis writes in the 2015 encyclical Laudato Si’ (On Care for Our Common Home), “is beginning to look more and more like an immense pile of filth.” Our society’s anti-aging obsession is incredibly detrimental to the health and well-being of our planet, people who are poor, and women generally. It is also counterproductive: The one thing that is literally impossible to achieve is what we have decided is ideal. It is rather unfair.

So, I keep my hair its natural color, wear a minimal amount of makeup, and try not to worry too much about the gray strands and wrinkles that are beginning to appear as I approach middle age. My children know this, and they know my reasons.